If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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