who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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