A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
