just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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