The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
