there's paper in my vomit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we're so committed to being not committed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
