know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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