i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
