Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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