: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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