And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
40s are totally the cure
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize