There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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