Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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