hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
