She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
