Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
