When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
NoShamevember. You game?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
