Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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