If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
