shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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