Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize