How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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