Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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