he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Panties = found
Randomize