drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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