Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
