Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
