Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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