Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
