I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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