I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize