I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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