Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
