he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
