I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
