I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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