I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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