I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
