You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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