guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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