eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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