My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
