I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
