If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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