you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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