You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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