I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
