It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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