glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
