I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
