I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
