I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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