I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
