Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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