Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
