Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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