Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
