Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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