Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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