i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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