the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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