margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
