I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
