so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize