Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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