I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize