Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
