dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And then he peed in my hair
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