You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I can text with my tongue
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
