Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
