I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
