Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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