ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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