Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
