Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize