Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
