Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
