TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
