you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
