Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
