I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
