In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
