just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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