Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
