dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize