Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
