Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
