This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
