he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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