she woke up with a sticky ear
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
