Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
