I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
