Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
