Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
