just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
