I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
