1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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