the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
