I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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