i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Who died my cat blue again?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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