I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
