Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize