Don't make out with my wife yet
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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