It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize