wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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