if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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