we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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