Don't you send me to vm
My liver just broke up with me...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
